


i want your midnights

by maxverstappens (juliansweigl)



Category: Formula E RPF
Genre: Boyfriends Being Cute, Established Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-16
Updated: 2019-03-16
Packaged: 2019-11-19 12:31:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18135794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/juliansweigl/pseuds/maxverstappens
Summary: Jean-Éric has never quite understood the phrase‘one day you’re going to meet someone who feels like home.'





	i want your midnights

**Author's Note:**

> hello. hi. goodnight. gotta sleep before the grand prix, enjoy. please, i wrote this in ten minutes and i'm uh tired.

Jean-Éric has never quite understood the phrase ‘ _one day you’re going to meet someone who feels like home_.’

 

Home isn’t a person, home is a construct with walls and doors and artificial warmth radiating through the rooms. Home is somewhere with a bed that you can fall into every night and relish in the comfortableness of the mattress and cocoon yourself in the blankets as you succumb to your exhaustion. Home is a place where you feel safe and protected from the outside world, the terror, the heartache and the hushed whispers and opinions about yourself that you hate.

 

Jev’s fingers trail up and down André’s back with a delicate touch, the pads of his fingers brushing over every bump and every inch, sometimes twice, most likely three times. André has his face burrowed in the pillow and is softly snoring much to Jev’s amusement and endearment; he thinks of a time when this wasn’t their sense of normality in a profession that is so far from normalcy. Jev moves his hand to the base of André’s neck and strokes the skin there, sighing contentedly as the blankets slip from his shoulders with every light movement as the moonlight streams through the slits in the blinds.

 

It’s late and Jev should be asleep, they have a busy day ahead but his chest tightens when he thinks about closing his eyes and missing out on a single second of his boyfriend’s sleeping form. So, he doesn’t. Jev keeps his fingers on André’s back, sighing every other second softly, feeling the warmth of André’s body underneath his hand.

 

Jean-Éric never thought he could feel like this about a person; he’s been in love before, sure, but not like this. This type of love feels like coming up for air after a lifetime under water, it feels like falling from the sky with a parachute on your back and feeling freer than you’ve ever felt before. It’s like fireworks on a summer night, coming home after what feels like a lifetime away, and it’s so overwhelming that Jev’s hand freezes as he thinks about it.

 

He’s never felt a love like this and he never wants there to come a time when this love isn’t here anymore. That something so cruel and harsh tears them apart, that all the building-up, their friendship, the realisations, the pining - that it was all for nothing. André stirs underneath Jev’s hand and he sleepily lifts his head from the pillow with a harrumph and a disorientated look in his eye. His hair dishevelled but a small smile on his face when he meets the eyes of his boyfriend.

 

“You should be asleep, love. It must be late.” André mumbles through the yawn he’s trying and ultimately failing to stifle.

 

Jev sighs, rolling onto his back and slinging his arm across his stomach with his other behind his head as he stares up at the ceiling - the streetlights outside illuminating the pale coloured ceiling in a warm yellow.

 

André, rubbing his face to wake himself up, raises his eyebrows as he watches Jev carefully, considering his next words through his still half-asleep haze.

 

“You only cannot sleep when you’re worried about something. Tell me, love, what’s on your mind?” André asks, shuffling closer and resting his hand atop of his boyfriend’s arm, Jev revelling in the warmth of André’s hand against his skin.

 

Jean-Éric glances down, gaze flickering over André as he twists his lips into a small but noticeable frown.

 

“Does our age gap ever bother you?” Jev asks and the question surprises not only André but himself too, he hadn’t been actively thinking about _that._

 

André flusters for a moment, fingers wrapping around Jev’s wrist, fingers brushing against his veins with careful and practiced ease.

 

“Should it?” André inquires after a few seconds of silence.

 

Jev goes to reply, mouth open but he shakes his head. “No. I’m just wondering if it ever has.”

 

“Does it bother _you_?” André pushes, eyes not leaving Jev’s face.

 

“No.” Jev answers shortly. “Maybe, at first it did but I was more intimidated by it than worried about it. I wondered what my family would say, nobody in my family has ever dated _anybody_ with an age gap larger than two years-” Jev’s ramble turns into murmurs that are barely audible so he stops himself, rolling back onto his side and facing André. “I’m being stupid.” Jev admonishes himself with a small eye roll.

 

“You’re not stupid, love.” André promises, reaching up to caress Jean-Éric’s cheek, thumb brushing over his cheekbone before trailing down to his jawline to his bottom lip before sliding his index finger down the slope of Jev’s nose. “It’s understandable; I’m forty sooner than I’d like to admit and well, you’re not even thirty. Sometimes it’s hard to ignore.” André exhales, frowning as he reaches down to link his fingers with Jev’s.

 

“You don’t look forty.” Jev’s voice cuts through the silence causing André to laugh.

 

“A compliment, I’m shocked.” André teases as he leans in and presses his forehead against Jev’s.

 

Jean-Éric rolls his eyes and André’s next breath catches in his throat. They’ve been teammates, they’ve been friends, they’ve been at each other’s throats on the very rare occasion but above all of that, they’re lovers, the love of the other’s life. They’ve been through it all and lived to tell the tale so far, except this time it’s easier and harder all in one. There is an unwritten benefit to being in a relationship with a fellow driver, it’s easier to not have to hide away the bad times, the times when it’s easier to give it all up and move to a town that nobody knows you - because they know how you feel and aren’t condescending. They know better than anybody that with time, with work and with patience (after losing your temper a few times) it gets so much better and success finds you once more.

 

“I couldn’t imagine being with anybody but you.” André laughs, the words sound absurd on his tongue as Jev watches him with an unreadable expression on his face. “I never want to imagine or live through that.”

 

Jev releases a breath he doesn’t even know he’s holding, feeling the tension slip from his shoulders as he squeezes André’s hand, shaking his head slightly as his throat tightens.

 

“I love you.” Jev manages to choke out, biting down on his bottom lip to stop it quivering. “I love you and I never want to do any part of this without you. _Teammates for life_?”

 

André almost laughs at the double meaning. Nodding, he leans forward and presses his lips against his boyfriend’s. Jev pulls his hand from André’s to fly up and rest at the base of his neck as André licks into Jev’s mouth and kisses him as though it’s the last time he’s going to be able to. Jev shifts so that André is once again lying on his back and Jev is lying half on top of him. They kiss until they’re breathless and lean back but only by inches, blue eyes staring into brown as the moonlight through the slits shine on André’s face.

 

Jean-Éric almost gasps when the realisation smacks against his chest like a sucker punch. André’s hand is slowly running up and down his back,

 

This is it.

 

He finally understands the meaning of meeting someone who feels like home. André is his home, whether it’s here, in Europe, in Asia, or on an isolated island during their break where they can relax and be themselves.

 

Wherever André is with Jev wrapped in his arms,

 

_He’s home._

**Author's Note:**

> [tumblr!](https://hoewedeshummels.tumblr.com)


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